So Close but yet so Far

Lets see..............I guess if I had to pick a first crush it would be Sheri Hanson......5th and 6th grade.....We were in the same class together but she was a Rollerskater and I wasn't so it just never seemed that we could find something to do together.......And the fact that it as 6th grade....Just a little too young for both of us........Next would be Lisa Hughes.......7th grade and just about the time that any boy finds that girls are not yucky and girls find that neither are boys.........I know she is where I found my Love for brunettes. IMO she had the most beautiful hair I had ever seen,we were both in the choir and when she sang it was as if the heavens had opened and it was an Angel singing...........Since we were both in the choir we had mutual friends and would see each other from time to time...........That's also where I leaned the Life of the "Mouse" too scared to ask a simple question since I would figure I already knew the answer before I asked it............Well come the spring of 10th grade and I finally did ask that question............"Would you like to go out some time??"...............I'm not sure how I didn't brake my jaw because I know it hit the floor when she said yes............We went to the Spring Play at school since once again we knew quite a few people in the play and had a great time............Alas I knew it could never last because she moved shortly after school let out that summer......I'll never forget the day I got my drivers license and got to take the car out alone.........I drove past her house and saw that she was gone........I still bawl like a little baby when I hear the song that was on the radio that day when I drove past her house.........We never did keep in touch and I still think about her from time to time.........As for the rest of High School...........Never had another "Date".I tried from time to time to ask girls out but they would never go out with me.........Never went to Prom(no biggie there really) I would go out with friend in groups but I could never seem to find anyone that would do a movie or just to hang out at the McDonald's or BK.........

Once High School was over you would think things would change but they didn't really..........I knew lots of Women as Friends but no one that was more then just a friend............There where a few..........Mary Ellen Alton.....I knew her from collage and we went out a few times.....This was 89 and it was when I was 20 Years old...........The only real reason we went out was because I had a car and she could match me Drink for Drink at shots of JD.........Soon after that I took a 28 day "Vacation" to learn 12 steps that I walked for 2 years before I fell down them..............There was one other young Lady in there too Paula.......Sorry but I can't remember her last name but she was funny because I was working at the time in a White Castle and one night after work we were just sitting at the brake table talking and she leans over and plants one on me........She said I turned the Darkest Red she had ever seen..........We did go out a couple times but she was on the rebound of a Divorce and it just never went beyond a couple movies.

It was about this time that I soon leaned that since I couldn't seem to find a Girl Friend maybe I could adopt big sisters.........Ladies that I could talk to,to let them know how I was feeling but that's all..........Moira was the first and she was great.........We could talk for ever it seemed and she was always there if I need a shoulder to cry on..........She also had a friend......Sue Peterson..........By then I was 28 and still hadn't lost something that most people lose by the end of the first quarter of College...........Well one night Sue and I went to a movie and when I drove her back to her place she asked me in for a night cap...........The next morning I left her house feeling like a new Man......We stayed together for a short time after that but as she put it........I was like a Puppy that was always at her feet....And I was too.....I tried everything to be the Perfect gentleman because I didn't want to Fuck it up but as she put it I wanted to move at the Speed of Light and she wanted to move at the pace of a dead snail..............So we went our separate ways and that's that..............The long journey of life as a mouse led us to Florida in early 2002 and while working at WDW I met a young lady named Tricha.............SSDD........I guess you could say.....Dinner and a Movie from time to time..........Tonsil checking when we were together but that's about it

So there it is....Sad but true...............I know it shouldn't bother me that much but it does........But then again I think to myself......What have I got to offer for a relationship??A dead end job that's not going anywhere and if all goes well I hope to be someplace else by the end of the year,I'm over weight,thinning hair,the only athletics I know is Fantasy Sports,the 12 and 16 Oz. Arm curl,and if rubbing calls was a sport I would win the gold medal I guess.Granted I do have a nice home that I live in............A Condo that the parents own that other then about 2 months out of the year I'm the only one there............And a chick magnet station wagon for a car..........

OK.....So I'm thinking I should be serving a nice Brie with this Whine don't you think??

Building walls and Digging ditched

I've always found that once something isn't fun anymore I stop doing it..........At least that's what I tell myself.........Except I seem to have forgot the whole concept of that because some things I found fun I did stop doing and some that I know are not I still do..........Guess that's the way of the Life I lead...........Living as a Mouse in a hole...........He squires out from time to time to get a chunk of cheese or a crumb but most of the time he hides in his hole watching the world go by too afraid to come out for fear that there would be a trap he might find to end it all

I've done it before.............How does it go again??.........Closed the door,locked it,nailed boards in front of it,bricked up the wall in front of the boards,sheetrocked the wall,painted it and hung a picture on the wall that is there where the door once was...........Then throw away the key to the lock just to make sure the door never opens again............And sad to say it's seemed to have worked on a few things in life....Not always for the better........


to be continued

So where was I??........O yes......The Closet...........Everyone has a closet of anxieties,some bigger then others......Myself..............Mine seems to have a closet full of skeletons (No it's not a Greatest Hits Album either) ,more then some Graveyards it seems at times...........I've been lucky that none of them have ever come back to life to bite me on the ass but I'm afraid that one day at least one of them will and I'm not sure how I'll react to it.

I guess that's why I am the way I am.........I've never wanted anyone to really get to know me because I'm afraid they would think the same thing I do...........What a Fool,how does he do it day in and day out...That's also why I don't think I've ever had a "Significant Other" AKA...Someone to like me for more then just a Friend............If I can barely stand myself at times why would they??

Gee................Why is it I'm thinking just another "Pity me Post" and as the Swing goes I tell myself F you it's my blog I can say what I want

To be continued